Anticipating a Halloween (or Holiday) Hangover?

Leo woke up this morning asking me if I was ready for Halloween and as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes, I laughed because I was actually thinking the same thing. As I lay there watching myself make my morning coffee, I thought about all the Halloween celebrations from my wilder days, when I would awake feeling less than chipper; more like a rag doll that had been pummeled by Andre the Giant. Let’s face it. We are all adults here and even though we all strive to live healthfully most of the time, the reality is that the season of protracted drinking and eating is upon us. So rather than stand in a state of total denial, wouldn’t you agree that it’s far safer to just admit, as Anthony Bourdain has famously said on multiple occasions, that there will be days when you will roll out of bed feeling totally “skull fucked”?

I can’t tell you to stop drinking when you begin slurring your words, but one thing I can do is share a remedy that my friends and I have discovered over the years to be the very best hangover remedy that any of us have ever tried. It works, every time. Without fail. It’s totally natural and totally gluten free. And I wouldn’t endorse anything without having tested the waters.

Holiday Hangover Remedy

1 cup, peeled, grated diakon radish
1 tablespoon lime juice (or lemon when you still can’t tell which is which)
1 tablespoon chia seeds
squirt of honey or agave nectar (literally just a bit)
pinch of sea salt

(double or triple recipe if you have guests over)

1 b-complex vitamin (make sure the brand you buy is gluten free)
1 12oz. glass of filtered water

Before you go out, prepare your landing pad.

1. Fill a glass with 12 ounces of filtered water.
2. Place it on your nightstand, but in a place where you won’t knock it over.
3. Put your b-complex vitamin next to said water glass.

Go out, have fun, come home, and take a hot shower if you can manage it. If not, just stumble to bed, take the b-complex and drink the entire glass of water.

The next day, peel and grate your diakon radish. Toss in the lime juice, honey, chia seeds, and sea salt. Eat the whole thing on the spot followed by plenty of water throughout the day.

You should begin to feel better within the hour. If you were particularly relentless the night before, make yourself another batch until your symptoms abate.

So why does this recipe work?

Diakon radish has been used for centuries for its detoxifying powers. It has a very high ratio of water and enzymes that help flush the liver and stimulate the digestive system to work more efficaciously. Chia seeds are considered a crucial super food as it has the highest levels of omega-3 fats that are necessary for cell regeneration. Chia seeds also can retain 24 times their weight in water, so as the diakon helps pull the toxins out of your body, the chia seeds absorb these toxins and helps flush them out of your system. Honey has also been used for centuries to heal burns and bolster the immune system as well as fight off allergies if the honey is locally produced.

The b-complex vitamin will work hard all night as you sleep to begin the liver flushing as it kick starts your metabolism and get your nervous system back online while stimulating new cell growth. So when you wake up, much of the hard work will be done for you, naturally.

Disclaimer: This recipe is not a hall pass to be a fucktard. By all means, have fun, but be smart, especially if you have children.